...shut the fuck up." At least, that's what my dad used to say. Somehow I have found a third foot to put in my mouth. Not enough sleep? Miserable from my aching arm? Repressed aggression? Perhaps, by blogging I'm gradually uncapping a voice I've buried for the sake of being a "good" mommy, friend, sister, teacher,etc. I don't know, but I'm feeling a bit guilty for things said and some mercifully unsaid today.
Though I'd much rather be sunshine, rainbows, hope, and happiness all the time, the darkside is never a stone's throw away. She is so much funnier, too. That onery part adds ballast to an imbalanced personality. It's not my intention to be mean, but Pollyanna needs a break sometimes.
I think I need some more regular outlets for being a little nasty. Just a little nasty. None of my old behaviors really appeal though. Drinking my face off leads to hangovers, embarrasment, and/or regret. Besides, moderation is so much more enjoyable. That one night in Vegas doesn't count. Smoking is gross, expensive, and not all that rewarding. At one time, recreational sex might have been a good stress reliever, but promiscuity impedes the process of entering into a loving, long-term relationship, which would be on my to-do list if I had a clue what one of those looked like. Drugs have never interested me; I'm too old and guilt-prone for fighting; and spending gobs of money on toys, clothes, or shoes just seems pointless.
Ok, I know turning things over to God solves everything, but in this case I don't see anything specific to turn over. Life is great...on paper anyway. Hmm, perhaps there is a long meditation in my future to open this up to the only entitiy that can fix me...Chris Martin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto&feature=related <---- In my top 10 of all-time favorites. I can't listen to it with out imagining what it would be like. This one is good, too, but for opposite reasons: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdD6RMICpfg
Any suggestions or advice, readers? Or should I say Princess, Deanne, and Mitchell. I'm not saying I'll take it, but I really like input.
She's strong yet she's a puss. She's one of the truest friends I have yet I could sock her. I wouldn't change her but I try. The road is long grasshopper but each step is worth the effort. In my opinion, God is our gift of emotion. Love, hate, adoration, kindness,generosity, selfishness, bla bla bla bla bla. God gets the credit for all of them. We have the choice of which to purchase. My advice is to continue being who you are because that's why I love you. Remember that it is called fishing not catching. If all our hopes and dreams are handed ot to us, what would they be worth?
ReplyDeleteHow about this? You're looking for a vice to replace the vice. You don't need a vice.
ReplyDeletehi!
Well... it is kind of weird. BUT there have been times when exercise has been my addiction. It has been on of the most time consuming, rewarding addictions I have ever had. Lasting anywhere from just a couple months up to a year. When I do something its ALL-IN. I was spending 3-4 hours a day. Any addiction isn't healthy, even exercise. I was getting worn out. It was fun, the runners high and all that. But in the end I don't know how (yet) to do anything in moderation. I either do it all the time and with everything I've got or I don't do it at all. So, with all that said, I'm not saying add exercise as an addiction. What I am saying is that it is enjoyable (yes, it is) and a great stress reliever. There are many benefits. Just a thought or two.
ReplyDeleteWay back in the day, I worked at a retail store where I "had to be nice" to everyone, even the people who deserved some amount of indifference. I thought the PERFECT "complementary" job would be to be a Meter-Maid. Then I could secretly take my aggressions out on those rotten people I had to fake being nice to.
ReplyDelete